HF/ODY-related Rodneyisms Options

[AndrewF]

Okay, here's the deal.  For this thread, you need to create a joke in the style of Rodney Dangerfield (example below) but it has to relate to "Hidden Frontier" or "Odyssey" (or "Helena Chronicles).  No prizes for best joke.  You may comment on a joke, but you MUST also include a joke (i.e. no posts that don't contain at least one joke that conforms to the rules).  Have fun!


"I just bought this new universal translator.  It has three settings; Klingon, Romulan, and Nechayev!  Heugghhh!!"

[Moentran]

Two weeks there, two weeks back? Sounds like my laundry service!!

[Sec31Mike]

I don't get no respect, what's a guy got to do to get promoted aroung here!

[Thalek]

"My wife loves the Sona'a:  they're the only people she knows with more stretch-marks than she has!  Huhhhh!"

"I tell ya I get no respect!  Every time my shirts come back from the laundry, they're dyed red!  And I'm in Sciences!  And if that's not bad enough, they've got this big white bull's eye on the back!  I can tell they're my shirts because they don't have any phaser burns on them.  Yet.  I'm hoping to keep it that way, but I even have trouble on shore leave!  Every time I hit the shore, the ship leaves!  I tell ya, the only time I ever got any respect was when these two ensigns saluted me.  It was so unusual I asked 'em about it.  They said they'd heard there was a sniper around, so they were saluting all the senior officers, just in case.  Some respect!  Even the food synthesizers are rude; the last meal I ordered came with a note.  It said, "You're not pregnant, so stop eating for two!" Huhhhh! The turbolifts aren't any better.  I stepped into an empty one the other day and it told me that two of the guys were gonna have to wait for the next car!"

[AndrewF]

"Hey I'm okay now, but last week I was in rough shape.  I went to Doctor Henglaar and told him 'every morning I wake up, look in the mirror, and throw up.  What's wrong with me?'  He said, 'I don't know, but there's nothing wrong with your eyesight.'  Heugghhh!!"

[SPT]

Out there thataway? Would that be left of thataway or right?

[SPT]

Borrowed from famous quotes but....

Voyager Q episode:

Janeway told Q if she was his wife she'd give him arsenic. 'If I were your husband' he replied, 'I'd drink it'.

[be back 1]

ok here goes ...

I went to aster & ro's wedding  they made me stand in the back ,  when Ro was asked do you take this man ,14 aliens they already have ..I mean polly pass around

[Glenn]

T'Lorra? I hardly know 'er!

[Moentran]

I went to Dr Henglaar. He said, "You've got diabetes." 

I asked him, "Can I get a second opinion?"

He said, "Okay. You're ugly too." Hoboy!!!

[rockytop62]

I lay down on a scanning bed in sick bay. Henglaar tells me "We're not calibrated for your lifeform". Jeez, no respect. Tolian Neros deferred to me in a conversation last week... said he had respect for his elders.  I was testing a tricorder in my quarters... It detected no intelligent life forms in the room. Boy o' boy!

[rick20625]

How 'bout that Betras!  She's one tough lady!  When she is involved in battles, no one is able to lick her.

Ridges, I'll tell ya about ridges. I once knew a Klingon named Tro'jan.  He told the ladies he was ridged for their added pleasure.  Heuugh.

Respect?  I don't get any from Robin Lefler, either!  Shesh,  I asked her out on a date, but she said she couldn't go out with me because it was against the law.  I said, "There's no law about refusing to date me," and she says, "Now there is!"    ba-dum-dump.

-- Rick

[rockytop62]

I asked S'Tal if she'd help me take off my shorts if we made love.
She said, "Depends..."
I asked, "Depends on what?"
She said, "No, That's logically what I'd have to remove."

[Glenn]

I don't trust that Doctor Henglaar. What kind of quack spends so many years giving medical advice but claims he's just practicing?

[rick20625]

That Dr. Henglaar and his niece.  No respect.  I invited them over to dinner, and they ate like a bunch of pigs.  No respect, I tell ya.

You heard Myra Elbrey is from Betazed, right?  I asked her if we got married, would we have the ceremony "in our birthday suits." She said yes, but first I would need to send mine out to the cleaners to have it pressed --- cuz it needed to get all the wrinkles out!  Oy, it kills me, no respect.

Have you met that new Trill, Doctor Tessla Mor?  Hoo boy she is one be-yeutiful dame.  But don't get me wrong, she's a good, wholesome girl.  Why, the other night, we didn't go out drinking or dancing or anything bad.  We just stayed at home and played connect the dots.  Heuuugh.

Watch out for that girl, Vorinna.  Let me tell you, she is one mean lady.  I asked her, "Is it true what they say, 'It Ain't Easy Being Green?'"  She told me, "I don't know, but it's a lot easier than being dead," and she shot me!  No respect!

Have you met General Korg?  I said, "Hey General, is it true revenge is a dish best served cold?"  and he said, "Are you kidding? With my wife, I haven't had a hot meal in years."  Seems like he don't get no respect either!

I ran into S'tal the other day.  I asked her how she was doing.  She just raised her eyebrow at me.  "Are you Vulcan kidding me?", I asked.  Next thing I know I was regaining consciousness with a sore shoulder.  No respect from her, either!!

I was down in the mess hall the other day and saw Corey Aster, Ro Nevin, Jorian Zen Dao, that Federation news reporter, a Cardassian guy named xxx, Tessla Morr, and that Klingon Captain Nej'ta all sitting at one table.  There was only one seat left in the room, and it was at that table.  I asked them if this was a private party, or could anyone join in.  They all just looked at each other and nodded, so I slept with all of them.  Heuggh!

Oh, I gotta million of 'em...

-- Rick

[Historian Dlan]

1) I'm sick of people telling me to lose weight. The other day Shelby called me from another sector and said that I was in her way.

2) That General Korg is such a braggart. The other day he told me Klingons don't need slipstream; all they have to do is Ro.

HD

[FaxModem1]

I went to the planet Baku the other day, I asked one of the locals how long it usually takes for it to take in. She said at most 10 years. I then asked her how long it would take for me, she said looked me over and said, You may just want to be happy with your age. Geez, I get no respect.

[rick20625]

Have you met that Archein queen mother broad, Grand Majan Archein?  She's some kinda lady.  When I looked deep into her blackened eyes, I just melted into a puddle of goo.

[AlphaJenn]

Have you met that Archein queen mother broad, Grand Majan Archein?  She's some kinda lady.  When I looked deep into her blackened eyes, I just melted into a puddle of goo.

What flavor goo was it..?

:)

Nnej

[Macker]

What flavor goo was it..?

Strawberry Red, perhaps?  8)