 MAD-style Helena spoof |
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Commander
 Captain Jerian Dax, USS Hammersley Group: Members Posts: 1,246 Joined: 15-February 08 From: Delta Quadrant Member No.: 3,935  |
 Apr 17 2008, 08:19 PM
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#1
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This was inspired by the MAD ST:VOY satire "Star Ecch: Voyeur"
Perihelion Productions: A kooky brainiac making people laugh since 1985.
presents... WHERE EVERYONE'S GONE BEFORE DEPT. As if the spinoffs and movies weren't bad enough, now hordes of greedy fans who get together with high-tech gear and home-made costumes make their own episodes. Can you believe Paramount actually tolerates these... STAR ECCH: HELL-BENT CHRONICS FAISAL I'm Startfleet Captain Finals, commanding officer of the USS Hell-Bent! I'm smart and sexy AND I do yoga, but for some reason I have to wave around some wooden totem in order to get laid! On our first mission we nearly got eaten by a giant space-dwelling monster, then we broke the biggest rule in the book and had ourselves declared renegades! My crew still takes me seriously, but considering they're more or less all lunatics, that's not saying much! DAO I'm First Officer Dowry, Finals's second-in-command! And I'm faaaabulous! Of course, I'm not nearly as pretty as Finals, but I can still woo any boy in Startfleet, despite the fact that my forehead is covered in spots! Finals likes having me around - mainly so she conveniently has someone to blame in case she really screws up! DAIS I'm Daze, the security officer! I'm half Bolian, half Nausicaan and all temper! I'm a sadomasochistic loner who lists "bashing heads" among her hobbies, yet the fanboys are still drooling all over me and people try to woo me! Asking has a crush on me - I didn't know he was into the kinky stuff! ARTIM I'm Asking, the pilot and a member of the Back'up people! I have the ability to freeze time, but I'm too much of a wimp to use it for anything other than getting to the bridge in an instant! What a waste - don't we have transporters for that? ROCKNEY I'm Armed Rocking, the ship's love-crazy engineer! That might sound normal... until I tell you the ship is my girlfriend! You can tell I relate better to machines than I do with people... isn't that right, Hellie? NESS I'm More-than LochNess, the lunatic doctor! I'm even more warped than Daze, due to the fact that I'm constantly performing unethical and possibly illegal experiments on one crewmember - myself! The good part about that is Captain Finals gets her makeup from me, since it's not tested on animals, and you can be medicated without worrying about the side effects! The bad part is I wear out my Borp-like implants purging myself after each experiment... Maybe I should just switch to Metamucil. ASTER I'm Corny Master, Dr. LochNess's patient. He thinks I'm constantly escaping from sickbay because I'm trying to find my husband, but I'm really trying to get away from him! I've seen his experiments, and dammit, I want a referral to another doctor! DAO Captain, we have a problem! FAISAL What is it now? DAO Someone ate all the scrambled eggs! FAISAL Great! Declare a shipwide emergency! I've been running out of excuses to put the crew into a state of hyper-angst. Well done, Mr. Dowry! ARTIM Captain, I'm detecting a high-level wave compression dead ahead! DAIS There's a gravitational pull in my nylons! Thirty seconds to complete exposure! FAISAL Splendid! Complete and utter chaos! Now I can relax! NESS (eats out of a tub labelled "I Can't Believe It's Not Edible") Good morning, Corny. Have the hallucinations stopped since last night? ASTER I'm not hallucinating, you moron! I'm trying to get away from you! LET ME OUT OF THIS HELLHOLE SICKBAY! What are you eating by the way? NESS I have no idea. I only know that it's green and I'm hungry. ASTER It's green... and you're eating it. Righty-oh. Listen, can you be a good sport and let me out of these straps before I start screaming my head off? ROCKNEY Rocking to bridge! Captain, could you go easy on the Pluralisms? Hellie has an ache in her Bowflex installer. FAISAL Were you fiddling with her oak console again? ROCKNEY Yes. She likes it when I do that. It's that "special" thing we do, see... FAISAL OK, OK, TMI! Just make sure you reticulate the splines and remortgage your dividends in case we get punk'd. ROCKNEY Yes, ma'am. DAIS Oh, Asking, I forgot to thank you for the leather purse-making kit you gave me. That was a really nice present. ARTIM Purse-making kit? What purse-making kit? I gave you a tribble! DAIS Oh, that was a tribble? Sorry, I didn't know. It does look awfully cute in purse form though. ARTIM Captain, there's an alien vessel coming alongside us. They're hailing. FAISAL What do they want? PARAMOUNT VESSEL This is the Paramount vessel Brannon Braga. You have been producing better scripts than us! Lower your shields and prepare to be boarded! DAO Aw, crap. DAIS Captain, they're bombarding us with Buckyballs! (Ship rocks, sparks fly, crew gets thrown around) ARTIM Segway systems losing power! DAIS Shipwide toaster oven failure! DAO Coffee-O-Matic damaged beyond repair! FAISAL Turn on the rear hatch defrosters! Lock the Furby cages! Rocking, where the hell are those shark guards? ROCKNEY You bastards stole Hellie's handbag! I'm not helping you! FAISAL Damnit, Commander, we don't have time to discuss Hellie's fashion sense! DAO Just a thought, but... you know... we could surrender. FAISAL But that would mean the end of Star Ecch as we know it! DAO Life goes on. There will be other fandoms, and Ecch will always be in our hearts. FAISAL I don't want to hear that! Daze, break out the Super Soakers and start playing "Who Let The Dogs Out"! We'll give those thugs what they came for! ARTIM Finally, some originality! NESS LochNess to Captain Finals! Corny Master escaped from my dun... er, my sickbay again! He appears to have chewed though the leather straps... THE END |
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Commodore
 An té nach mbíonn láidir ní folláir dó bheith glic Group: Members Posts: 3,225 Joined: 18-February 07 From: Dublin, Ireland Member No.: 3,143 |
Apr 18 2008, 01:30 AM
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#2
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Staff Writer
 Group: HF Productions Cast / Crew Posts: 475 Joined: 4-May 06 Member No.: 2,410 |
Apr 18 2008, 08:41 AM
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#3
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Thank you for posting this.
That was really funny. HD |
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Lieutenant Commander
 Group: Members Posts: 787 Joined: 24-March 08 From: Somewhere out there.... Member No.: 3,987 |
Apr 18 2008, 10:37 AM
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#4
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That was funny and I needed a good laugh. Thanks for posting it. Now if it could be filmed and put on youtube then we have a barrel of monkeys laughing.
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Commander
Captain Jerian Dax, USS Hammersley Group: Members Posts: 1,246 Joined: 15-February 08 From: Delta Quadrant Member No.: 3,935 |
Apr 18 2008, 05:38 PM
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#5
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Excellent idea. Let's go pester Rob about it.
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Fleet Captain
 We be unveiling two new models on or about may 21,2011 Group: Members Posts: 2,436 Joined: 14-March 07 From: freeport , G.B.I. Member No.: 3,172 |
Apr 19 2008, 04:57 AM
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#6
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fun
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Beau Christian Williams, Artim
 Group: HF Productions Cast / Crew Posts: 90 Joined: 15-March 04 Member No.: 399 |
Apr 19 2008, 11:12 AM
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#7
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Not really my kind of humor. I smiled at parts, but that is it. Just not my comedic cup of tea, but I do respect it! Good Jorb!
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Commander
Captain Jerian Dax, USS Hammersley Group: Members Posts: 1,246 Joined: 15-February 08 From: Delta Quadrant Member No.: 3,935 |
Apr 20 2008, 06:32 PM
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#8
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I take it you're not much of a MAD fan then?
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Lieutenant Commander
Group: Members Posts: 787 Joined: 24-March 08 From: Somewhere out there.... Member No.: 3,987 |
Apr 20 2008, 06:41 PM
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#9
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QUOTE (perihelion @ Apr 18 2008, 06:38 PM)  Excellent idea. Let's go pester Rob about it. Sure and if it's as funny on film like the MAD spoof pf the Phantom Menace then I would be content. Anyone have a petition? |
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Lieutenant Commander
 Group: Members Posts: 692 Joined: 9-May 06 From: Houston, Texas Member No.: 2,423 |
Apr 23 2008, 07:43 PM
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#10
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Haha, great MAD spoof.
QUOTE ("deleted-scene") Corny Master chews through the.... Maybe he and Daze should have a little talk. Hmm. The heck with this-here hand thingy. That Rowboat boi's paddlin' days iz over! I'm askin' out the grey grrrl! |
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Lieutenant J.G.
 Group: Members Posts: 141 Joined: 19-March 07 From: Bavaria, Germany Member No.: 3,181 |
May 11 2008, 01:49 PM
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#11
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ha,ha,ha,ha.
That was funny. I really like the MAD Spoofs of Star Trek an other franchises. So here you go!!! Excellent. Ever thought about a drawn comic version? |
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Commander
Captain Jerian Dax, USS Hammersley Group: Members Posts: 1,246 Joined: 15-February 08 From: Delta Quadrant Member No.: 3,935 |
May 11 2008, 06:08 PM
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#12
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QUOTE (Kapitaen Stephan @ May 12 2008, 07:49 AM) ha,ha,ha,ha. That was funny. I really like the MAD Spoofs of Star Trek an other franchises. So here you go!!! Excellent. Ever thought about a drawn comic version? I would if I had some good headshots of the cast to work with. |
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Commander
Captain Jerian Dax, USS Hammersley Group: Members Posts: 1,246 Joined: 15-February 08 From: Delta Quadrant Member No.: 3,935 |
Oct 10 2008, 12:24 PM
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#13
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bump
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Michael Hudson, Website Staff
 http://www.youtube.com/hiddenfrontier Group: Website Staff Posts: 3,007 Joined: 27-August 06 From: Cambridge, United Kingdom Member No.: 2,837 |
Oct 10 2008, 12:42 PM
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#14
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Naughty bumper....
But I liked it, very funny. |
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Commander
Captain Jerian Dax, USS Hammersley Group: Members Posts: 1,246 Joined: 15-February 08 From: Delta Quadrant Member No.: 3,935 |
Oct 10 2008, 12:51 PM
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#15
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I bumped it so more people could enjoy it.
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Sharon Savene, Seram / Capt. Fisal
 Boldly Going Group: HF Productions Cast / Crew Posts: 31 Joined: 4-August 05 From: Los Angeles Member No.: 1,725 |
Oct 11 2008, 08:20 PM
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#16
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Oh, dear, it's only too true!!!! Just as any good satire should be!!! OTFLMAO.
Sharon This post has been edited by sharonest: Oct 11 2008, 08:21 PM |
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